友善的默契

By Elsa Sichrovsky

When I think back on my unforgettable freshman semester in college, an image of a six-foot-five, lanky fellow with longish black hair comes to mind. Steve was a senior in my department, but we first met in a General Education course. He won my admiration by joining me in the front row, the spot avoided by most students. Although I barely recognized him, having only seen him a few times in the department office, he acknowledged me with a nod.

​I had a two-hour gap before my next class, so I headed to the nearby reading room to prepare for my upcoming quiz on the Odyssey. To my surprise, Steve was already there, settled down with a coffee and poring over The Merchant of Venice. Apparently he had the same two-hour gap. I sat down opposite him and took out my textbook, too shy to say anything, having already learned not to cross the divide between seniors and freshmen. Steve sometimes looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t, so a slightly awkward, but almost friendly, silence reigned for the next two hours.

For several weeks, every Tuesday the two of us would sit opposite each other, studying in silence. Still, his companionable human presence eased the lonely hours of relentless memorizing and analyzing every college student is subjected to. His consistently focused academic performance was an excellent example to me as I struggled with the distractions and excitements of the great and complex world of academia. As the proverb goes, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”1 

​Finally, one hot day he wanted to turn on the electric fan in the reading room, and, being a gentleman, he first asked for my consent. In the conversation that followed, we discovered a shared love of Shakespeare, linguistics, and Mrs. Lee, the most popular professor in our department. He was glad to share helpful information on the freshman courses I was taking and recommended some interesting courses.

For the rest of the semester, our Tuesday study time was punctuated with light conversation and even jokes. We greeted each other in the hallways and took an elective together in the next semester. Steve had little to gain by chatting with me, but I realized that he not only saw our shared passion for learning, but also had compassion on me as a clueless freshman he once had been, and he didn’t let social convention keep him from reaching out.

In my sophomore year, he graduated and we lost contact. However, I will always be grateful to Steve for what he taught me through his example: when social norms conflict with kindness, let kindness have the final say. A social norm that promotes exclusion, like the division between seniors and freshmen in my college, must be discarded in order to fulfill our responsibility to love those with whom we come in contact. Furthermore, those quiet Tuesdays showed that a good friendship is not necessarily built on gregariousness or outward charm. All that a good friendship requires is mutual respect, combined with shared interests, and what an apostle recommended: “Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”2
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1. Proverbs 27:17 NLT
2. Colossians 3:14 NLT

施艾芯

每當我回想起大一第一學期那段難忘的經歷，一個留著一頭略長黑髮、身高六呎五的瘦削身影就會躍入腦海。史蒂夫那時已經大四了，跟我是同一個系，但我們第一次相遇是在上普通教育課程時。他選擇和我一起坐在第一排，那是大多數人避免坐的位置，他這麼做贏得了我的敬佩。雖然我幾乎不認得他是誰，只是在系辦公室見過他幾次，可是他卻對我點點頭，打了個招呼。

距離我下節課還有兩小時的空檔，於是我就前往附近的閱覽室，好準備考有關《奧德賽》的測驗。出乎意外的是，史蒂夫已經在那兒了，他還在飲用喝著一杯咖啡，專心地研讀《威尼斯商人》。顯然他同樣也有兩小時的空檔。我在他對面坐下來，拿出課本。身為新生，我已學會不要打破新生和學長之間的界限，因此羞於開口跟他說話。史蒂夫間或會露出一副欲言又止的樣子，因此情況似乎有點尷尬，但總體來說，我們一起度過了友善沉靜的兩個小時。

在接下來的幾週裡，每到週二，我們都會這樣面對面坐著，安靜地讀書。然而，他友善的陪伴減輕了每個大學生都必須經歷、不間斷的記背及分析的寂寞時光。他對學業的恆心和專注，為我樹立了很好的榜樣，因為我當時在浩瀚迷茫的學海中，設法克服分心和興奮。正如箴言所說的：「朋友互相切磋，正如鐵和鐵磨利成刃。」1

​直到最後有一天，天氣很熱，他想開閱覽室的電扇，但出於禮貌，先徵詢我的同意。我們自然地交談起來，然後發現了一系列的共同愛好：莎士比亞、語言學、還有李老師——她是我們系裡最受歡迎的教授。他很樂意跟我分享一些對大一課程有用的資訊，並推薦了一些有趣的課程。

在那學期後來的週二自習時間，我們會不時地加入一些輕鬆的話題，甚至笑話。在走廊相遇時，我們會相互問候，在下半學期裡，我們一起上一堂選修課。跟我聊天，史蒂夫幾乎獲得不到什麼東西，但我領會到，他不僅看到我們共同的學習熱忱，同時也憐憫我，很願意照顧我這個一無所知、就如他當初那樣的菜鳥，他並沒有讓社交傳統阻礙他伸出援手。

我讀大二那年，史蒂夫就畢業了，從此我們未再聯繫。不管怎樣，我將總會對他的言傳身教心懷感恩。當社交規範與親和友善起衝突時，他選擇了友善。當時我大學裡的社交風氣是新生和老生必須劃清界限，這種社交規範必須加以摒棄，才能履行我們的使命，去關愛那些與我們接觸的人。此外，那些安靜的週二，也顯示出建立良好的友誼，並不一定需要合群或是外在的魅力。良好友誼所要求的僅僅是互相尊重，擁有共同的愛好，還有如一位使徒所說的：「在這一切之上，要加上愛，因為愛是融合一切德行的關鍵。」2
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1. 箴言27:17（現代中文一本聖經）
2. 歌羅西書3:14（現代中文譯本聖經）

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Text from Activated magazine. Image designed by Brgfx/Freepik and Katemangostar/Freepik.

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