By Beverly K. Bachel, adapted

Most of us think about what we want to accomplish and set goals for our
lives. But are our kids doing the same? It’s fun for kids to imagine the
amazing things they might achieve someday—but are they doing anything
right now to make their dreams come true? There’s no better time than
the present to help our kids become real goal-getters. Anyone can learn
to set goals, and research shows that kids who set goals feel better about
themselves; have increased motivation; get better grades; and are more
satisfied with their lives.

Here are 10 tips to help kids get on the goal-setting track and into the fast lane to
reaching their dreams:

1. Make them SMART. Make sure kids’ goals are:

• Savvy – Easy to understand and meaningful to them.
  
• Measurable – Define exactly what they want to accomplish.
  
• Active – Tell them what action they need to take.
  
• Reachable – Realistic, based on their skills and experience.
  
• Timed – Have a clear date when they’ll be able to say, “I did it.”
  

Not-so-SMART Goal: “Get an A+ in math.”
SMART Goal: “Boost my math grade by at least one letter by the end of the semester.”

Not-so-SMART Goal: “Get a new bike.”
SMART Goal: “Save up for a new bike by the end of the year.”

2. Write them down. Have kids write their goals and the date by which they want to
achieve them on a piece of paper. Have them post it on their wall, on the computer, on the refrigerator, or somewhere else where they’ll see it often.

3. Think positively. Attitude is everything when it comes to kids’ future success. Help
them make a list of their good qualities, remember compliments, and appreciate what
they have. Also remember that if kids see a good example of a can-do attitude, they’ll be more likely to think positively.

4. Find time. Help kids cut down on time wasters, like watching TV, surfing the
Internet, or talking on the phone, so they can free up time to focus on their goal.

5. Take 10. Set a kitchen timer or stopwatch for 10 minutes and encourage kids to use that time to work on their goals. They may find themselves motivated to keep working on their goal even after the 10 minutes are up. 

6. Give a reward. When kids take a step toward their goal, reward them with a movie,
their favorite meal, a weekend off from their chores, or another affordable incentive that will keep them motivated.

7. Visualize success. Minds produce what they dwell on. If kids see themselves
reaching their goals with ease, they’ll be far more likely to succeed. Ask questions at
dinner or while driving them to school to get them talking about their goals.

8. Set “anti-deadlines.” These are the opposite of rewards. Have kids tell 
themselves, “If I don’t do it by 5 p.m. I can’t go out with my friends tonight.”

9. Ask for help. Let kids know they don’t have to do it alone and that people in their
lives (family, friends, teachers, coaches) will want to help in whatever ways they can.
Offer to introduce them to a role model or take them on a field trip to learn more about a career they’re interested in.

10. Be a role model. If we talk to kids about our goals and the steps we take to
accomplish them, and they see us following through on our commitments, they’ll be
more likely to do the same.

As a parent, temper tantrums are one of the most stressful and frustrating things you'll have to deal with, especially once your child hits the terrible twos. However, according to child psychologists, most children don't throw a tantrum just to be naughty or manipulative -- rather, the screaming is a symptom of the child's anger and frustration when they don't have the vocabulary to explain what's really wrong with them. Therefore, staying calm and learning to identify what's really bothering your child will help you to handle the situation quickly and effectively. Start with Step 1 below for more detailed information on handling your child's temper tantrum.

Steps

1. Remain calm enough to handle the tantrum properly. The worst thing parents can do is have a temper tantrum over their child's temper tantrum. Children need a calming influence, especially during a tantrum, and if you can’t provide that, you can’t expect them to calm down. Take a few deep breaths and wait at least a few seconds before deciding on a response.
   


2. Remember that your child's tantrum is not necessarily a way to "get his way", but could be the result of frustration, lack of needed attention from you, or even a physical problem, like low blood sugar, pain or digestive problems! The lack of a place to nap is a common cause of tantrums (Ever notice how many kids you see having them around 3 PM in stores!) It is the time of afternoon when blood sugar drops after lunch and a small snack is often needed. Schedule activities around your child's needs. Having a set schedule with nap time included is greatly recommended.
   


3. Offer your child a choice of coping strategies. For example, your son wants ice cream, but it's too close to dinner. Say: "Johnny, you're really getting upset now. Calm down or you'll have to go to your room." You have given him a choice -- either control himself or, if he can't, retreat to a place where he won't influence others. If he makes the right choice (to calm down), remember to compliment him: "You asked for ice cream and I said no. I want to thank you for taking no for an answer." Conversely, have consequences and enforce them if he chooses to get upset. Guide him to his room and firmly insist that he remain there until he calms down, for example. This is easier with a two-year-old than with an eight-year-old, so the younger you begin the learning process the better.
   


4. Stem your own rising frustration level. Tantrums can raise blood pressure and stress levels in parents as well as children. If you really can’t handle a tantrum, make sure the child will be safe and spend a few moments away from him or her. The time-out has a calming effect for both of you. Get your spouse or other responsible person to look after the child while you calm down. Put your child in his or her room with a gate in front of the door if necessary.
   


5. Try to determine the cause of the tantrum. Tantrums can be triggered by a number of things, and the cause of the tantrum should help determine your response to it. If a tantrum is caused by hungriness or sleepiness, you should feed the child or allow him or her to take a nap as soon as possible. If the tantrum is triggered by frustration or fear, you need to comfort your child. If the child feels ignored, spend some quality/quantity time with him, playing or reading, etc. If, however, your child is acting up because he or she can’t get his or her way…
   


6. Do not reward the tantrum. If the parents give in, tantrums become a launching point for the child—a way to deal with the world socially. If you allow yourself to be held hostage by tantrums, your child will continue to use them long past the age when they would otherwise cease. Even if the child is throwing a fit because he hasn’t received enough attention, don’t reward the behavior now. Instead, resolve to make long-term changes to avoid future outbursts. Try not to panic or make concessions, but leave the scene, even if just for a few minutes. Go to the crying room at church—that’s what it's there for, after all—to the car, or even to the restroom to allow your child and you to regain control.
   


7. Take steps to prevent injury. Some children can become quite animated during a tantrum. If this occurs, remove dangerous objects from the child’s path or steer the child away from danger. Try to avoid restraining a child during a tantrum, but sometimes this is necessary and comforting. Be gentle (do not use excessive force), but hold him or her firmly. Speak reassuringly to the child, especially if the tantrum is the result of disappointment, frustration, or unfamiliar surroundings.
   


8. Explain to the child that you will talk to him or her when he or she calms down. This will help your child to understand that you are ignoring her because her behavior is unacceptable, not because you don’t care about her. When the child calms down, fulfill your part of the bargain by discussing the tantrum and the child’s concerns.
   


9. Avoid trying to reason with any child who is in the middle of a full-blown tantrum, especially in a public place. Give him or her time to vent. Instead, give the child phrases to express the emotions that they are experiencing. Say phrases like, "You must be really tired after such a long day," or, "You must feel frustrated that you can't have what you want right now." This not only will help the child verbalize this later, but shows empathy for their feelings without having to give in.
   


10. Discuss the behavior with your child once the tantrum has ended. While there’s no use trying to reason with a child in the midst of a tantrum, you both can learn a lot by discussing the incident afterwards. Explain that the behavior is unacceptable, but also make sure your child understands that you love him or her regardless. Try to discover the cause of the tantrum if you haven’t already, and take the opportunity to discuss better alternatives with your child.
    

Teasing, some fighting and falling out is a normal part of school-age relationships, but a bully-victim relationship is different. 
Bullies and bullied are both victims.

A bully may:

• Tease or hit other children
• Demonstrate a lot of angry behavior or displays of temper
• Defy parents or teachers

A victim of bullying may:

• Find it hard to join in with friends
• Be taken advantage of or teased by other children
• Show some helplessness or be easily upset
• Be timid, shy or different in some way

If you think your child may be a bully

• Teach him or her about respecting other people’s rights—don’t just assume your child will know this. Constantly stress how others feel, and how important it is not to do things that make other people feel bad. Try to teach your child to treat others as he or she would like to be treated.
• Have firm rules that don’t accept mean or nasty behavior towards others.
• Teach your child to negotiate. Use role play to teach him how to ask for things he wants rather than forcing his will on others.
• Keep a record of bullying incidents. This will help to identify whether anything in particular is causing your child stress and setting him off.
• Don’t use bullying tactics at home to make your child do what you want.
• Make sure you’re positive about all of your child’s good, cooperative behavior.

If you think your child may be a victim of bullying

• Explain that bullies are children who may be upset or sad, perhaps because of unhappy events at home.
• Tell your child it’s not his fault and explain that no one deserves mean treatment.
• Use role play to teach him how to handle incidents, examples include not showing you’re bothered or upset by teasing, saying firmly you don’t like it and walking away.
• Explain there’s no shame in just keeping out of the bully’s way.
• Listen and talk, take the time to listen to your child’s worries about the events in his day.
• Be alert to when things seem to get worse - you may need to intervene.
• Build self-esteem by finding activities your child can be good at.
• Always praise your child, especially for acts of courage.
• Don’t overprotect your child, as it may only make him feel more vulnerable and helpless.
• Is your child dominated at home by siblings, for example? If so, maybe he’s used to being treated like a doormat.

What forms does bullying take?

• Verbal—calling names, sarcastic remarks, and put-downs
• Physical—hitting, pushing
• Psychological—deliberately excluding from a group, spreading malicious stories
• Threatening—demands for money or toys

Most bullying takes place in or near schools. If the bullying is serious, you may need to report it to the school. Most schools have a bullying policy and should take clear steps to do something about your complaint.

If you’re not satisfied, go to the school governors or to your local education authority. If the bullying is very serious, some parents opt to move their child to a different school for a fresh start, or decide to educate at home.

Even children in this younger age group may use text messages or the web—so be aware if your child has a mobile phone or uses the internet, that these forms of communication can extend bullying into the home or non-school time.

Good character consists of knowing the good, desiring the good, and doing the good—habits of the mind, habits of the heart, and habits of action. All three are necessary for leading a moral life; all three make up moral maturity. When we think about the kind of character we want for our children, it's clear that we want them to be able to judge what is right, care deeply about what is right, and then do what they believe to be right—even in the face of pressure from without and temptation from within.--Thomas Lickona

                                                            *

Since our children grow up to be their own persons, free to choose their own path, we can't be sure what long-range impact our moral teaching will have. But when we begin early to teach the values we cherish, and when we do so over many years, our potential influence, I believe, is very great indeed.

Even if our children don't fully understand what we tell them when we tell them, our words may have lasting value none­theless. They may echo in our children's minds in years to come. And as they look back through the lens of a more mature stage of development, our words may take on new and deeper meaning. As a parent, I find hope and comfort in that possibility.

So talk to your children about what you believe.--Thomas Lickona

                                                            *

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.--Proverbs 22:6

                                                            *

If you continue to hold your child accountable over a period of time, the habit he is trying to develop will become ingrained in him. He will no longer need to be reminded, but he will carry out the habit naturally without much thought.

There are a lot of habits I would like to see my children develop, like making their beds when first rising in the morning, saying please and thank you, drinking lots of water throughout the day. Those habits don't really have any impact on their relationship with the Lord, but they do make a difference. I also want them to develop habits that please the Lord.

I challenge you to examine your children. … Discover what lifelong habits you want your children to have and cultivate them. They won't develop a good habit by being nagged into it, but by constant encouragement. … If we give our children nothing else in life but a love for the Lord Jesus Christ and strong character, we will have succeeded as parents. Character will get him a job. Character will get him up in the morning when he would rather not get up. Character will hold his marriage together someday. If we as parents build strong, godly character traits into our children, they will have the potential to bring about powerful change in our country in the future.--Terri Camp

                                                               *

These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.--Deuteronomy 6:6–7

                                                               *

Before we had children of our own, my husband and I found ourselves teaching a class in a Learning Center with another couple. For two and a half hours each Sunday, we were responsible for about 50 energetic six-, seven-, and eight-year-olds while their parents attended the church service and fellowship hour. At the beginning of each week, we met for dinner with the other couple to plan our lessons and design complementary activities. These sessions sometimes lasted more than three hours, since we had to formulate goals and objectives, prepare teaching agendas, and create evaluation techniques.

Several years of mothering transpired before I realized that my life revealed a huge dichotomy. When I had been in charge of training someone else's children, I spared no amount of time or effort. However, I put very little planning or preparation time into the teaching and transforming of my own kids.

 Without realizing it, I had developed the attitude, “If I can just hang in there long enough, my job will eventually be over—by default if nothing else!” … “Somehow,” I reasoned, “they'll inevitably make it to adulthood. Someway they'll mature and make a contribution to society. Someday I will have completed my task.”

But when I took the time to notice, I realized that the “somehow, someway, someday” attitude I had maintained was not working in our society. … Too many children are wandering around (or sitting around kicking the bark off stumps with their heels like mine did) without a clue as to where they are headed in life, because mothers like me have never pointed them in any direction. We can't just hang in there, hoping that somehow, someway, someday our kids will succeed. We need to start taking our child-raising assignment more seriously—making it our top priority. In order to do this, we need to take time to set character goals for our children.

[Ask yourself:]

* What five characteristics do I want to distinguish my child's life by the time he leaves home?

* How am I going to steer my child toward one of these goals today?--Gwendolyn Mitchell Diaz

                                                             *

Take [your children] by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.--Ephesians 6:4

                                                             *

Discipline means training your children—training them to lead a disciplined life, and eventually to discipline themselves. If discipline is something that you only do “to” children, the end result could very well be that as soon as they get out from under your control, they go wild. But if you discipline them in the sense that you teach them and train them to lead disciplined lives, then the end result is that eventually they're able to discipline themselves for the most part.--Maria Fontaine  

Let me know when I make you proud. And help me to have  pride in my own accomplishments. Let me earn your trust. Then trust me. I won’t let you down. 

Let me try my wings. If I fail, let me know it’s okay, and encourage me to try again. 

Let me know you love me—with a hug, or a pat on the back. Or, when I need it, with a firm but gentle “no.”

Let me be. Let me change. Let me grow. Let me tell you when I’m feeling bad... or angry… even at you. Let me know that even on my worst days, you still like me. 

Let me dream. Share my joy when my dreams come true.  Share my tears when
they don’t. 

Let me feel secure in my home. Help me realize that love is always there … that I 
can depend on you no matter what. Let me run … let me laugh … let me play. 

And most of all, let me be a child! —Anonymous

By Michelle Charisse

It’s Mother’s Day. I take my place on stage, test the microphone, and scan the hotel restaurant where some friends and I are about to perform. Most of the 200 people who came for the Sunday brunch are mothers and daughters—young mothers with little girls, elderly mothers with adult daughters, short round mothers with tall slender daughters, and some who look like they could be sisters. There are a few sons and husbands, but they are greatly outnumbered by the women, who are all radiant. The reception desk is heaped with individually wrapped pink roses, the hotel’s gift to the mothers on their special day.

As the opening chords of our first number fill the room, I feel my mother’s presence. The lyrics remind me of her. “Surround me with the little people…” Mom brought eight little people into this world, each of us her favorite in some inexplic­able way. “I want to be held in the everlasting arms of eternity…” Those arms hold her now. It’s been seven years since she died of cancer. My dad held her in his arms till she took her last breath. We kids still hug her goodnight as we say our prayers. Now she’s in Jesus’ arms for eternity. I blink away the tears.

“Laughing and singing, what a way to live…” Now I think about my stepmom, who I love just as dearly and can only think of as “Mom,” whose voice I heard on the phone just days ago. As usual, she was full of laughter. If there is one person who knows what it means to live, it’s her. “Life ain’t worth living, if it’s not to give…” I can see her now, giving tirelessly as she cares for my dad and their eleven children who are still at home. (Three of us are grown and living abroad.) Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, giving.

A young mother gets up from her table and dances through the restaurant with her baby girl in her arms. The baby laughs. She is secure. She is loved.

Then I realize why I can smile and laugh and come halfway around the world to show other people God’s love. It is because I have been blessed with the love of not one, but two mothers—one who had to leave me but is ever near in spirit, and one who came when I needed a mother the most. What am I doing, fighting back the tears? I am secure. I am loved. God has blessed me in double measure.

Text courtesy of Activated magazine. Photo by Kathleen Zarubin via Flickr.

Slideshow for Mother's Day, courtesy of Tommy's Window.

Note: The downloadable version of this Mother's Day slideshow (which can be viewed with Microsoft PowerPoint) is timed to go with a song by the same name.

In the heavens above
The angels, whispering to one another,
Can find, amid their burning terms of love,
None so devotional as that of “mother.”
—Edgar Allan Poe

*

God could not be in every place
With loving hands to help erase
The teardrops from each baby’s face,
And so He thought of mother.

He could not send us here alone
And leave us to a fate unknown
Without providing for His own
The outstretched arms of mother. 
—George W. Wiseman

 *

The world has no such flower in any land,
And no such pearl in any gulf in the sea,
As any babe on any mother’s knee.
—Algernon Swinburne

 *

Your mother is always with you… 
She’s the whisper of the leaves
as you walk down the street. 
She’s the smell of bleach
in your freshly laundered socks. 
She’s the cool hand on your brow
when you’re not well. 
Your mother lives inside your laughter.
She’s crystallized in every teardrop. 
She’s the place you came from, 
your first home… 
She’s the map you follow
with every step that you take. 
She’s your first love
and your first heartbreak… 
and nothing on earth can separate you.
Not time, not space… 
Not even death… 
will ever separate you
from your mother… 
You carry her inside of you…
—Author unknown

 *

You may have tangible wealth untold;
Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be--
I had a mother who read to me.
—Strickland Gillian

 *

If I were hung on highest hill, 
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine! 
I know that your love would follow still, 
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!

If I were drown’d in deepest sea, 
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!
I know that your tears would come down to me, 
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!

If I were lost of body and soul, 
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine! 
I know that your prayers would make me whole, 
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine! 
—Rudyard Kipling

*

The sweetest flower that ever grew
Is mother love, so kind, so true;
Conceived in God’s infinite mind,
Placed in the breast of womankind.
Its buds in morning rich and rare,
At noonday blooms divinely fair;
When evening skies are red and gold
Its true magnificence doth unfold.
Its fragrance fills the earth and skies, 
It may be crushed, but never dies; 
The sweetest flower that ever grew
Is mother love, so kind, so true.
—Author unknown

 *

Who ran to help me, when I fell,
And would some pretty story tell,
Or kiss the place to make it well?
My Mother.
—Ann Taylor

 *

Blessed be all mothers
Who have come into our lives
Whose kindness, care and loving
Remain with us to guide.
—Susan Kramer

 *

My prayer for you, mother   

Heavenly Father, 
Hold my precious mother close to Your heart as I hold her close to mine. 
Let her know today and every day how much I love her. 
Lord, comfort her mind and reassure her 
that her motherly care was everything I needed and wanted, and that I love her dearly.
Lord, comfort her body as she ages and grant her health and vitality as she goes through her days here on earth. 
Bring all good things to my mother, dear God, and bless her every day, in every way. 
In the name of Jesus I pray, amen.
—Author unknown