Misty Kay

My nine- and ten-year-olds came whining to me again.

"Mommy, Chalsey's taking all the LEGO blocks!"

"Davin always gets the best pieces!"

Kristy, my five-year-old was crying. "It's not fair. I want to build an airplane, but they don't want to."

This had been going on all afternoon. It was one thing after another. No matter how many toys they had, they couldn't have fun. Something was missing. I shot up a quick prayer for an illustration that would help us to get a grip on the problem.

"Who likes plain, dry pancakes?" I asked. The kids froze and looked surprised at my sudden change of subject. "Who likes plain pancakes with nothing on them—just dry, get-stuck-in-your-throat pancakes?"

"Not me!" they all cried in unison.

"I see. So when you asked me to make pancakes yesterday, you didn't want plain pancakes. You wanted pancakes and pudding." It had been a special Father's Day breakfast of hot pancakes smothered in creamy white chocolate pudding. It was a melt-in-your-mouth treat.

"And when you say you want to play with toys, you don't mean you want to play with plain toys, any more than you wanted plain pancakes. It was the pudding that made it special. Your friendship is like the pudding. Without the friendship, the game is no fun. Even if you got every LEGO piece you wanted, your playtime would still be dry. No fun. What makes it special is when you all play the game together. That's when you really have a good time. You need 'pancakes and pudding.'"

The children understood the illustration perfectly and decided to play a game together. It worked like magic. We were stuck in the house for the next few days due to bad weather, but no one seemed to mind. The children played with every game and toy in the house. Any time tempers flared, I'd tell the kids, "The pancakes need some more pudding."

As I thought more about it later, I realized that lesson wasn't only for my children. I sometimes work so hard to accomplish the goals I set for myself, and view everything else as a distraction. "I need to do this! I have to get that done!" I want plain, uninterrupted work time, and then I wonder why my work feels so dry and unenjoyable.

How often we all try to eat our pancakes dry. We put such an importance on things we need to do that we forget that pancakes aren't enjoyable without a topping. We can't let our work or play crowd out the friendships that make our lives complete.

So if you find that your day is crowded with worries, stress, and work upon work, if you feel you've lost that spark, if you're feeling a little dry, perhaps all you need is a heaping scoop of sweet, fresh "pudding" to make your day complete.

Excerpted from the writings of Maria Fontaine

Part of helping your children to grow and mature is teaching them how to make the right choices in a variety of situations, and allowing them to have the exposure or experiences that will bring their lessons to life. The sooner you can teach them how to be discerning and make the right decisions on their own, the safer they will be and the better prepared they will be for the decisions they alone can make.

A practical example of this is if you have a pool on your property. You might build a fence around it to avoid accidents, but you’d also want to teach your child to swim, and over time help him become a strong swimmer. The fence is protecting him initially, but you’re also preparing him to handle water safely by teaching him to swim.

Imparting these life lessons cannot happen solely in the classroom.  These “life lessons” are learned over time, and require lots of communication and discussion and experience in order for children to understand and to grow in these areas.  These experiences and lessons will make them wiser, stronger, more well rounded, more mature, more perceptive and understanding, and will help them to be much better equipped for life. Experience is good for your children and prepares them for life, if you help them to learn through it.

What does it mean to prepare children for life? It means giving thought to how to help your children progress through the natural stages of growth and development, being aware and abreast of what their peers are into or facing, and preparing your children for times when they may have to face similar things. It means teaching your children to have courage when they’re faced with difficult situations, and how to approach new situations responsibly and with confidence. It means teaching your children how to judge what’s right and wrong, and how to act with integrity, self-discipline, conviction, love, tolerance, and strength of character.

These are life lessons that you impart to your children because they are components of good character that will help to set your child’s moral compass for life. Those childhood character-building lessons will serve them well throughout life, and you parents are key instructors in educating your children in this way, because through imparting your personal convictions and values, you are helping your children to find the right direction in their life. It’s well worth the effort to do your best to teach your children how to make their way through the negative or questionable aspects of society, to accurately judge right from wrong, and to base their decisions and actions on godly ethics and perspective.

Children today face many influences, and they will face more in the course of life. Some will be positive, some will be negative, and many will be somewhere in between. You might want to spend some time discovering what your children are facing that you might not have been aware of. You could talk to others that your children interact with and ask them for their opinion. Being prepared is far better than being surprised, and by giving time and thought and discussion to the possibilities, you can be better prepared for the various scenarios your children might face in the future, or that they are possibly already facing.

It’s only natural that children will sometimes make poor or wrong decisions, because they’re experimenting and still learning to apply the training you’ve given them. That’s why your active involvement in their lives as they encounter influences, fulfilling your responsibility to counsel them through the questions and help them determine how to make good decisions, provides them with ongoing “preparation training.” It’s teaching them how to live the theory of their character education in their everyday lives. Focus on helping them to develop personal conviction, teaching them how to make good decisions even when faced with peer pressure or other difficult situations, and building lines of open communication so that you will be able to guide them through the circumstances they will encounter.

Adapted from the writings of Maria Fontaine

As a parent your duties include setting rules and boundaries that help your children to make the right choices. They will come in contact with things that you don’t agree with; that is something you have to accept and prepare for. But that doesn’t mean you have to relax your stance on what is or isn’t acceptable, or consider it inevitable that you’ll have to lower your standard on the truly important issues.

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All good parents set boundaries and teach their children to abide by them. If parents want to raise their children with a healthy standard of morals and values, they set boundaries. Expecting your children to abide by a certain standard, and establishing consequences if they don’t, is part of parenting.

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As the dynamics of your children’s lives change, whether they make new friends, or change schools, or enter a new stage in their development, you’ll want to be prepared to review your rules and determine which ones are important and necessary for your children’s health, safety, and spiritual well-being, and which ones may not be necessary anymore. You may need to be willing to make some adjustments in the rules or guidelines that aren’t as important, while standing your ground and being realistic and consistent on the ones that are important. You want to keep your children safe, while also being realistic about their maturity and what you can expect of them.

It’s important that the boundaries are realistic, and it helps if your children understand and can see the need for the boundaries. For example, understanding that the rules are in place to keep them safe, or healthy, or to protect them in a specific way.

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Part of preparing your children to be wise and savvy adults who know how to make good decisions is allowing them to explore the decision-making process, giving them good input and support, and trusting them to make age-appropriate decisions within safe boundaries.

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When it comes to communicating with your children about issues that are important to both of you, there are ways of going about it that can make it a much better experience, such as responding calmly to their outlandish statements, flexibility in your rules and expectations when warranted, and drawing the line between what things are important for their safety and well-being and what things are just your personal preferences and not actually such a big deal.