By Curtis Peter Van Gorder Mothers give so much. Their entire lives are a gift of love to their families. We journey far from our beginnings, and then something tugs at our heartstrings and draws us home to rediscover who we are and where we came from. I sat down with my mother a few months before she passed away and asked her some questions about her life. If you haven’t ever done that, I suggest you do. It’s sure to help you appreciate your mother even more. Mom told me much about her life and dreams, both fulfilled and unfulfilled. “Do you have any regrets?” I asked her. “What would you major on if you could live your life again?” She answered by showing me something she had written in her journal: If I could, I would find more country lanes to walk, bake more cookies, plant more spring bulbs, swim at dusk, walk in the rain, dance under the stars, walk the Great Wall, wade along sandy shores, pick up sea shells and glass, glide through fjords in northern lands, sing country ballads, read more books, erase dismal thoughts, dream up a fantasy. “Is there any message that you would like to pass on to your children and grandchildren?” was my next question. Again she flipped through her journal and found the answer already written there: Stop waiting to live until your car is paid off, until you get a new home, until your kids are grown, until you can go back to school, until you finish this or that, until you lose ten pounds. Flipping a few more pages she came to this entry: Pray for what you wish. God loves to answer because answered prayer deepens faith and adds glory to His name. And again: Savor the moment. Savor your walking and talking with friends, the smiles of little children. Savor the dazzling light of morning that holds the multicolored way. Savor God’s great earth, rolling hills, the birds, the blooms, the diamond dewdrops glittering on a crab apple tree—all His wonders from His hand. Excerpted from Activated magazine. Used with permission.
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Before you have children, it’s common for many to have high ideals of what kind of parent you want to be, how you want to raise your children, and what goals you want to shoot for. It isn’t long, though, before these expectations are popped by reality. You realize pretty quickly that you can’t be everything for your child, that it’s impossible to be perfect and live up to all the expectations you’d laid out for yourself, that it’s unrealistic to think you’re never going to fail. Forget about perfection. You’re never going to attain it. “Perfect” doesn’t factor into parenthood. So instead of striving to be a perfect parent, which you’ll never be, enjoy being a parent who’s loving, fun, happy, humble, concerned, prayerful, and human. You can love your children to pieces, even if your room is untidy. You can have fun, even if you have baskets of laundry to put away. You can be happy, even if your child is having behavioral problems. You can be humble enough to ask for the help of others, and humble enough to admit that you can’t do everything. Kids love parents who are natural. No child wants a parent who is stuffy, rigid, and a perfectionist. Children enjoy being with those who are fun, and who do interesting stuff with them—and, of course, with those who love them. So be that type of parent. Make your child’s life full of interest, variety, and fun. Everything you will ever teach your child will be better and more easily learned when you have forsaken unrealistic expectations—both for yourself and for your child. Teach your children the thrill of learning. Allow them the rush of exploration. Make room for them to experiment, even if it means that they will sometimes fail. That’s part of growing up. Your job as a parent is to be a guide, mentor, and counselor, and also to lead and help guide and direct them within the choices that they make. Enjoy being a parent. Enjoy your children. Laugh when they laugh. Sing when they sing. Feel their hurts and sorrows with them. Your children will learn to love life if you show them how to. They will learn motivation rather than perfection, if that’s the quality you manifest. This is not something that can be learned in a textbook. If they see it in you, they will want what you have. § Successful parents strive to be the person they want their children to become. There are no formulas for parents. You can’t “program” children like a computer and be guaranteed of the result. But children are great observers and imitators. They watch, listen, and absorb values and habits from the people who have the greatest influence on them—their parents. So successful parents resolve that they will set the best example they can for their children. § Successful parents enjoy being parents. They enjoy parenting not because it’s easy or instantly rewarding, but because of the sheer joy and privilege of cooperating with God in shaping another unique and precious life. Any parent of grown children will tell you “they grow up so quickly.” Successful parents remind themselves of that and try to savor every day with their children. They immerse themselves in their children as much as possible and just enjoy them—even the days of dirty diapers, illness, and disappointments. They don’t just love their children, they like them and look forward to spending time with them. § Successful parents don’t expect perfection, either from themselves or their children. Parenting is an art, not a science. Successful parents understand that, like themselves, their children aren’t perfect either. This frees them to love their children unreservedly. § Successful parents don’t fear occasional failures. They understand that mistakes are a normal, even healthy, part of parenting. They make the best decisions they can, and when they’re wrong, they learn from their mistakes and try to do better the next time. § Successful parents don’t expect to have smooth sailing. Children have their own opinions, personalities, and preferences. Inevitably, they cause us to say, “Where did that come from?” or “What were you thinking?” Our responsibility to provide them with limits and guidance will sometimes clash with their growing desire for independence. Successful parents aren’t surprised by difficulties and conflicts; they expect them. But successful parents understand that their responsibility to their children is not to always please them or make them happy—it’s to make the hard decisions that will be for their best in the long run. § Successful parents don’t go it alone. No one has the experience or answers to every parenting challenge. Successful parents aren’t reluctant to seek out the wisdom of others. They know that, at the end of the day, the decision is theirs, but before they get there, there is plenty of wisdom along the way waiting to help them. § Successful parents try harder. They face the same pressures we all do—demanding jobs, spouses, and children who need them. But they live by this rule: “You get back what you put in.” They have a clear sense of priority for their family and are willing to put in the time to achieve it. They give more than the “average parent” so their children will be more than just “average children.” These parents work at nurturing and developing themselves to be the best parents they can be. (Richard Patterson, Jr. Confident Parenting in Challenging Times. Tekna Books. 1999) Photo copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos Whenever you hear of a man doing a great thing, you may be sure that behind it somewhere is a great background. It may be a mother’s training, a father’s example, a teacher’s influence, or an intense experience of his own, but it has to be there or else the great achievement does not come, no matter how favorable the opportunity.
--- Catherine Miles *** The London Times reports: Fathers who devote time to their sons—even as little as five minutes a day—are giving them a far greater chance to grow up as confident adults, a parenting research project has found. Boys who feel that their fathers devote time especially to them and talk about their worries, schoolwork, and social lives almost all emerge as motivated and optimistic young men full of confidence and hope. The study, from the Tomorrow’s Men project supported by Oxford University and funded by Top Man picked out youngsters with high self-esteem, happiness, and confidence as successful "can-do" kids. The study found little difference between the positive effects of a good relationship with a father in a standard two-parent family and with an absent father who nevertheless made the effort to make time for the family. “Whatever the shape or form of a family, if you can get it together it makes a difference.” Families who spent significant amounts of time together as a unit were also more likely to turn out confident children. *** Prayers of Parents May we so live that all our children will be able to acquire our best virtues and to leave behind our worst failings. May we pass on the light of courage and compassion, and the questing spirit; and may that light burn more brightly in these our children than it has in us. —Robert Marshall *** Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory. Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee—and that in Thee is the foundation stone of knowledge. Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail. Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high, a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past. And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the weakness of true strength. Then I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.” —General Douglas MacArthur I was watching some little kids play soccer. These kids were only five or six years old, but they were playing a real game, a serious game. Two teams, complete with coaches, uniforms, and parents. I didn’t know any of them, so I was able to enjoy the game without the distraction of being anxious about winning or losing; I only wished the parents and coaches could have done the same. The teams were pretty evenly matched. I will just call them Team One and Team Two. Nobody scored in the first period. The kids were hilarious. They were clumsy and earnest as only children can be. They fell over their own feet, stumbled over the ball, kicked at the ball and missed it, but they didn’t seem to care.—They were having fun! In the second period, the Team One coach pulled out what must have been his first team players and put in the scrubs, with the exception of his best player, who he left at goalie. The game took a dramatic turn. I guess winning is important even when you are five years old, because the Team Two coach left his best players in, and the Team One scrubs were just no match for them. Team Two swarmed around the little guy at goalie. He was an outstanding athlete for five, but he was no match for three or four who were equally as good. Team Two began to score. The lone goalie gave it his all, recklessly throwing his body in front of incoming balls, trying valiantly to stop them. Team Two scored two quick points in succession. It infuriated the young boy. He became a raging maniac, shouting, running, and diving. With all the stamina he could muster, he finally was able to cover one of the boys as he approached the goal. But that boy kicked the ball to another boy twenty feet away, and by the time the young goalie repositioned himself, it was too late. They scored a third goal. I soon learned who the goalie’s parents were. They were nice, decent-looking people. I could tell that his dad had just come from the office, tie and all. They yelled encouragement to their son. I became totally absorbed, watching the boy on the field and his parents on the sideline. After the third goal the little kid changed. He could see it was no use; he couldn’t stop them. He didn’t quit, but he became quietly desperate. Futility was written all over his face. His father changed too. He had been urging his son to try harder, yelling advice and encouragement. But then he changed; he became anxious. He tried to say that it was okay to hang in there. He grieved for the pain his son was feeling. After the fourth goal, I knew what was going to happen. I’ve seen it before. The little boy needed help so badly, and there was no help to be had. He retrieved the ball from the net and handed it to the referee, and then he cried. He just stood there while huge tears rolled down both cheeks. He went to his knees, and then I saw his father start onto the field. His wife clutched his wrist and said, “Jim, don’t. You’ll embarrass him." But the boy’s father tore loose from her and ran onto the field. He wasn’t supposed to, for the game was still in progress. Suit, tie, dress shoes and all, he charged onto the field and he picked up his son so everybody would know that this was his boy. And he hugged him and kissed him and cried with him! I have never been so proud of any man in my life. He carried him off the field, and when they got close to the sidelines I heard him say, “Son, I’m so proud of you. You were great out there. I want everybody to know that you are my son." "Daddy,” the boy sobbed, "I couldn’t stop them. I tried, Daddy, I tried and tried and they scored on me." "Scotty, it doesn’t matter how many times they score on you. You’re my son, and I’m proud of you. I want you to go back out there and finish the game. I know you want to quit, but you can’t. And son, you’re going to get scored on again, but it doesn’t matter. Go on, now.” It made a difference.—I could tell it did. When you’re all alone, you’re getting scored on, and you can’t stop them, it means a lot to know that it doesn’t matter to those who love you. The little guy ran back on to the field. Team Two scored two more times, but it was okay. By Laila Enarson While living in Gambia, West Africa, my five-year-old son Chris and I went on a trip to the village of Sintet, where our group of volunteers from the Family International was helping to build a school. I had enjoyed the thrilling tales told by co-workers who had returned from there, so when I heard that a team needed to make a one-and-a-half-day trip to the village I jumped at the chance to go. For most of the trip, all I could hear was Chris’s excited voice saying things like, “What’s this? Oh, Mommy—look! Can you take a photo of me on the termite hill?” The rainy season was just beginning to transform the dry West African bush into gorgeous green. The country around us was full of enchanting beauty—a mix of low rolling hills, rice paddies, coconut trees, and ponds. Farmers peacefully tilled the land. Along the way, we enjoyed delicious local food, explored a thick swamp full of towering termite hills and giant baobab trees with trunks often thicker than our car. As we drove up the dirt road lined with cashew trees that led to Sintet, we could see a large crowd gathered at the school site straight ahead. Two of our volunteers, Joe and Richard, had arrived ahead of us and were already at work directing the construction. Village children crowded around our jeep and flashed gorgeous, white-toothed smiles. As soon as Chris got down from his seat, the village kids surrounded him and helped him get acquainted with everything. The other kids had been pushing around toy cars made of cut-up plastic bottles, the rubber soles of broken flip-flops, and sticks. With the children’s help, Chris soon had his very own car and was pushing it over anthills and through puddles. A crowd of boys ran after him. With no electricity in the village, most people go to bed when darkness falls, and so did we, in our small tent under the star-filled sky. Day two at Sintet was just as much fun. I prepared my materials for the morning class I would be teaching the village’s younger children, and Dad helped me find a nice quiet spot in front of a baobab tree to give the class. We sang some songs, and then I told the story of Creation, using movable flannel figures on a flannel-covered board. This was high-tech to these children. Finally I reviewed some basic scholastics. Chris did a great job as my assistant teacher. Then the children led us to fields where they showed us several large monkeys at play and a huge snake that hung from a tree branch high above us. They also treated us to a yellow and red moon-shaped fruit we had never seen before, which they called tao. To “pick” the fruit, the children climbed the large tao tree and swung from its highest branches. As they were about to begin, one of the boys who had stayed earthbound said, “We must go! The fruit will hit us!” And he was so right! Fruit began raining down all around us. A few of the kids stuck with Chris and me until the very end of our visit. Many of these dear children had at first seemed quite tough because of the hardships they face every day. As we got to know them, we saw that inside their tough exteriors were tender hearts, like sponges just waiting to soak up love. Chris and I gave them as much attention as we could. Some even began to call me “Mom,” which said in their own special way how much they appreciated the love and attention we were giving them. To me, this was just as fulfilling as seeing the progress that was being made on the school construction. All too soon, it seemed, we were home again. My visit to Sintet with Chris had been an extraordinary cultural experience. What made this trip so special is that I shared the experience with my son. We learned a lot together and lived what many people only read about in schoolbooks or see on TV. You don’t have to visit a village in the African bush to have a bona fide cultural experience or to reach out to those in need, of course. Today they’re everywhere! Most modern cities are melting pots of various races, each with something special to offer. All it takes to make new friends is a little initiative. Add a little love and concern, and you truly bring your worlds together. Courtesy of Activated magazine. Used with permission. Photo © 123rf.com By Maria Doehler When my husband Sam and I had only one child, I thought I had a handle on parenting. I needed to adapt and bend and give up some of my independence, but not too much. I was absolutely on top of Cade’s appearance, and he never wore dirty, stained, or soiled clothes. Cade was very “portable,” and we toted him with us wherever we went. When something needed to get done, we calmly set out to do it and got it done. I knew things would get harder as we had more children, but I wasn’t worried; I was pretty good at this. Brooke arrived next. Brooke was an angel of a baby, waking only to gurgle and coo, and putting herself back to sleep. I had gained less weight during that pregnancy, so I was back in shape in no time. If I could ace it with two, I reasoned, I could handle anything. I was at the top of my game. Enter Zara. Exit all parenting confidence. It’s not that Zara was difficult on her own, but suddenly “spontaneous” meant 45 minutes later. I often had kids crying in three different parts of the house. Doing anything as a family required the painstaking planning and execution of a mission to the moon. We began hearing comments like “Just watching you wears me out!” But babies aren’t babies forever (before you can brace yourself, they’re toddlers!), and we learned to work with it. We learned that we didn’t have to be perfect. Neither did our kids. At this point I think I started to better understand that being a mother goes far beyond giving birth and caring for my children physically; it means living my life through my children—not by imposing my ideas and dreams on them, but by rejoicing at and taking pride in their triumphs. Everywhere we went, people would tell us “Enjoy them while you have them. They will grow up so quickly!” That truth started to sink in. Four kids. Emma is every bit as special as her brother and sisters. Spontaneous now means at least an hour. We still have to plan everything, of course, but we only plan one activity a day, max. We have lots of play clothes and just a few “special” clothes. Once when Zara got blue marker on Cade’s shirt just as we were finally ready to go out, I found myself thinking, Well, at least it’s on a blue shirt. It almost matches. We are a spectacle, but a happy spectacle that people seem to enjoy watching. I’m continuing to learn about love in ways that are slowly changing the most stubborn parts of my nature. Each child and each day reshapes me a little more, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s fun to be a family! Article courtesy of Activated! magazine. Used with permission. Photo © www.visualphotos.com
By Joan Millins It will come The other night, our five kids cozied up in our room with their quilts and sleeping bags. It’s quite something when you get five kids together and realize that they are all yours. You remember each of them as a baby, and you look at them all with such love. Seeing your children grow up is one of the most rewarding experiences in this world. But there was a time in each of their young lives when I asked myself “Will this kid ever get potty trained?” or “Am I raising a social misfit?” What I’ve learned is that eventually, if raised in the proper environment, all children will in their own time learn to use the potty, share their toys, and do all the other things we parents are in such a hurry for them to master. The time we spend teaching and loving them is never wasted. Dear Hubby… You fascinate me! Take today for example. We’ve had differing opinions about what makes for quality times with our kids, and I’ve always said that it had to involve something special like a project, a new experience, or a heart-to-heart exchange. I stand corrected! Watching you drive the tractor mower for hours today with three-year-old Shawn on your lap and in seventh heaven wasspecial—and it was a revelation to me. There was no dialogue between you most of the time, there was no elaborate project, just a father and son enjoying each other’s company. You are a wonderful father to our children. Thank you for loving them and giving them your all! The Duplo War Rules of the game: Find a target and pelt it. Target: Who else but mom? It started out rather innocently. The kids needed to clean up their Duplo mess after playtime, so we made a game of it. They had to try to toss the pieces into a bucket from across the room. Most of the pieces missed their target, of course. I playfully aimed one right for Tracy, my husband. I should have known better. The Duplo War was on, and all of the children joined in. All fire was directed at me until my three-year-old knight in shining armor took up my defense. The Duplo War lasted for all of five minutes. The floor was covered with Duplo, but the spontaneity and rush we all got from doing something that normally isn’t allowed and wouldn’t be repeated was fun and bonding. Afterwards, we all pitched in to clean up the mess, and we had the room spick and span in no time. The lesson for me was that it’s okay to sometimes temporarily suspend the rules, as long as it doesn’t get out of hand and no one gets hurt or gets their feelings hurt. I remembered that some of the fondest memories of my childhood are of crazy things my parents let me try. For example, when I was four and we were living in India, I watched people from the humblest of circumstances walk barefoot on the street, and I wanted to try it. My mom explained that the street was dirty and hot, but when I insisted that I still wanted to try it, she let me. She carried my shoes so I could experience the road “Indian-style.” Boy, did I feel cool! I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to do it again, so I savored the moment. My feet got burned--not fun—but what a memory! Fun with Video Cameras
• Fun polls. Have the kids question friends and home members about a fun topic, such as: “When it’s raining, do you prefer vanilla or chocolate ice cream?” Video their responses and, of course, their quizzical looks. • Video diary. Want to know what your kids have been up to? Pick a regular weekly or biweekly time to set up your video camera and have the kids talk about any exciting happenings at school or in the neighborhood. • Instructional video. Have your kids create their own how-to video for cooking a special dish, doing an arts-and-crafts project, etc. Maybe you’ll even learn how to use that computer. • Educational TV. Older kids can create a video related to something they’re studying at school, such as recycling, other cultures, etc. What current events are “hot” in your family? • Local travelogue. Kids can make tapes describing places they know well, starting with their own home. Older kids can make a video tour of the neighborhood. You won’t need to visit your local video store to take your next travelogue trip. Family Press How would your family members like to discover the power of the press while expanding their journalistic and artistic talents? All it takes is some paper, pens or pencils, crayons or markers, paints, a stapler—and a little time and imagination. • Certificates of merit. Everybody deserves a pat on the back every now and then. Have each participant choose a family member (perhaps by selecting names out of a hat) and design a special award to honor him or her for a recent achievement (say, for putting toys away). Then, emcee a family awards night and present the certificates. • Read all about us! How would you like to create a public-relations brochure about your family? Fold a sheet of paper into thirds, and have each participant design a panel about a family member (pre-writers can illustrate the text). And don’t forget to title the brochure with a snappy headline. • Create comics. If your family members have some artistic talents, why not put them to work designing a comic book? You might have each participant work on a page individually, or you can ask younger children to draw the pictures while older kids and grown-ups write the text. Then staple the book together so your children can share their great works with friends. Or have your computer-savvy child draw or illustrate using a computer program or stylus, etc. • In the news. Has your family been following current events in the community, the country, or the world? Have each participant write a paragraph or two about a recent happening and draw a picture to use as an illustration. Then fold the pages together newspaper style, and try reading it aloud. • Family magazine. Would your family like to be featured in a magazine? Simply have an “editor” assign stories to “reporters”—say, about school, work, or a recent or upcoming family vacation. Then have your reporters submit their work, staple it together, and find out why your family is so famous. • Freehand photo album. Here’s an assignment for the artists in your family: Have them draw pictures of themselves or other family members. Or give each person a task, such as drawing somebody at school or sketching the family at a special dinner. Staple all of the “snapshots” together. And don’t forget to add captions for each “photo.” • Birthday book. Here’s a great gift that family members can make for one another’s birthdays. Have each participant write and illustrate a page of a story, making sure to use the name of the birthday boy or girl at least once on every page. Then design a cover, and staple the manuscript. Now you have a truly personalized birthday gift. • Numbers book. Here’s a way to help younger children learn their numbers while making another book to add to their collection. Give your child ten sheets of paper, and ask him or her to write a number (from one to ten) on every page. Next, have your child draw as many items as needed to match each number: one duck, two houses, three flowers, and so on. Bind the book with a staple and add it to your family library. • Holiday newsletter. Would distant relatives and friends enjoy hearing your family’s news during the holiday season? Have your family members put together a newsletter about seasonal activities, trips, games, and other projects. Make sure to add illustrations. Here are some more ideas of ways you can provide your children with fun activities and positive experiences, while creating treasured memories that will last a lifetime. (Click here to read part one of this article) Play Idea Guide Excerpted from Kick the TV Habit, by Steven and Ruth Bennett Sports Day Your family is a great team, even without team shirts and lots of expensive equipment. Here are some sports you can enjoy anytime. • Pitching “quarters.” This is an adaptation of an old city sidewalk game. Each player throws a “quarter” (actually, a plastic lid or button) toward a wall. The one that lands nearest the wall wins, and the thrower keeps all the “coins”—until the next toss. • Beanbag juggle. Would your kids like to join a homemade circus? Place half a cup of dried beans in a sandwich bag, tie the bag, then put the bag in an old sock. Tie the sock closed. Now you have a beanbag for juggling or just clowning around. • Mini-golf wizards. Use boxes, books, and blocks to create an obstacle course (a hallway is the best location). Take turns rolling a light ball through the course to see who can get it to the other end in a single roll. Proclaim that person a “mini-golf wizard.” • Spoonful of beans. Can the runners, hoppers, and crawlers in your home complete relay races while holding a spoonful of beans? • Crazy mazes. Budding balance-beam gymnasts and tightrope walkers can hone their skills by walking along a piece of string or rope placed on the floor. For a real challenge, loop the “line” into an intricate maze. • Cup catch. Tired of regular catch? Try playing it with Ping-Pong balls, using paper cups to hold them in (the ones with fold-out handles are great). • Theme putt-putt. Create your own indoor miniature golf course with a theme. Use empty containers for “holes,” furniture for obstacles, and toys for scenery and props (dinosaurs, trees, etc.). Long cardboard tubes can be turned into putters, and use a soft ball instead of a golf ball to avoid damaged furniture. • Indoor hopscotch. Remember chalking hopscotch grids on the sidewalk? Have your kids make an indoor version using craft paper (taped to the floor) and crayons. Performing Arts Why not turn your home into a theater, and encourage the acting, singing, and other talents of your family “hams”? After all, everyone deserves his or her time in the spotlight! • Vaudeville extravaganza. Organize a talent night, and let the singers, dancers, acrobats, mimes, musicians, and actors in your family strut their stuff. And after you’ve had your turn on stage, sit back and enjoy the show. • Family theme song. Compose a song that captures the spirit of your family. Have everyone take turns contributing lyrics that describe family members, trips, activities, and so on. Then it’s time to perform it—you might even want to record the final version. • Instant musical. Even if your family isn’t yet ready to perform, you can still translate a favorite story into dance. Cast a familiar tale, and have each family member choreograph his or her own role. Then clear some space and begin the show. • Clown around. Gather some old hats, shoes, clothes, gloves, and makeup, and turn members of your family into circus performers. The greater your assortment of costumes, the more variety in your cast of clowns. • A chorus line. How would your family like to practice the art form that made the Rockettes famous? Have your family stand in a line, and synchronize simple movements (turns, leg kicks, arm raising, etc.) • Mystery monologue. Have your child pretend to be a storybook character and tell you a little about him- or herself. Other family members can ask questions about the character’s life and guess his or her identity. • Fashion show. Do you have any cutting-edge fashion designers in your family? Have each participant pull together one or more interesting outfits. Then have family members take turns modeling and describing their creations. Adapted from Kick the TV Habit, by Steven and Ruth Bennett What kids generally want more than anything else in the world is your focused time. And they have a marvelous, built-in “presence detector”; they know when you’re really focused on an activity with them or when your mind is somewhere else, thinking about paying bills, resolving work issues and the like. Also, if you’re fully engaged in the play, your child is likely to learn how to sustain the activity on his or her own over time. Here’s a list of things to think about to make your activities a success. Do… * Remember that the more experience children have with appropriate and enjoyable non-electronic-based activities, the more skill they’ll develop at inventing their own. This ability will likely be greatly satisfying to them. * Offer them the choice between different activities. Involving them in decisions about what to do with your time together provides them with greater motivation. * Be open-minded. If your kids have a better idea than what you had in mind, or a different way to achieve the same goal—let them go for it! It’ll encourage them. * Be patient. If your child’s play has become imitative because of heavy exposure to television and “single-purpose toys” associated with TV shows or video and computer games, he or she may need a hand in relearning how to play in creative and imaginative ways. Encourage activities that draw on his or her direct experience. * Use the activities as opportunities to observe and cherish your child; doing so will sustain your interest and enhance the fun during repetitive play. Don’t… * Try to do activities when you’re rushed or hassled; you’ll just frustrate your child if the idea is to finish the game or project as fast as you can. * Focus on the competitive aspects of an activity. If a “winner” is called for, deemphasize the importance of winning by praising all family members for putting forth their best efforts or topping their previous scores. |
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