友好的纽带

By Elsa Sichrovsky

When I think back on my unforgettable freshman semester in college, an image of a six-foot-five, lanky fellow with longish black hair comes to mind. Steve was a senior in my department, but we first met in a General Education course. He won my admiration by joining me in the front row, the spot avoided by most students. Although I barely recognized him, having only seen him a few times in the department office, he acknowledged me with a nod.

I had a two-hour gap before my next class, so I headed to the nearby reading room to prepare for my upcoming quiz on the Odyssey. To my surprise, Steve was already there, settled down with a coffee and poring over The Merchant of Venice. Apparently he had the same two-hour gap. I sat down opposite him and took out my textbook, too shy to say anything, having already learned not to cross the divide between seniors and freshmen. Steve sometimes looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t, so a slightly awkward, but almost friendly, silence reigned for the next two hours.

For several weeks, every Tuesday the two of us would sit opposite each other, studying in silence. Still, his companionable human presence eased the lonely hours of relentless memorizing and analyzing every college student is subjected to. His consistently focused academic performance was an excellent example to me as I struggled with the distractions and excitements of the great and complex world of academia. As the proverb goes, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” 

​Finally, one hot day he wanted to turn on the electric fan in the reading room, and, being a gentleman, he first asked for my consent. In the conversation that followed, we discovered a shared love of Shakespeare, linguistics, and Mrs. Lee, the most popular professor in our department. He was glad to share helpful information on the freshman courses I was taking and recommended some interesting courses.

For the rest of the semester, our Tuesday study time was punctuated with light conversation and even jokes. We greeted each other in the hallways and took an elective together in the next semester. Steve had little to gain by chatting with me, but I realized that he not only saw our shared passion for learning, but also had compassion on me as a clueless freshman he once had been, and he didn’t let social convention keep him from reaching out.
​
In my sophomore year, he graduated and we lost contact. However, I will always be grateful to Steve for what he taught me through his example: when social norms conflict with kindness, let kindness have the final say. A social norm that promotes exclusion, like the division between seniors and freshmen in my college, must be discarded in order to fulfill our responsibility to love those with whom we come in contact. Furthermore, those quiet Tuesdays showed that a good friendship is not necessarily built on gregariousness or outward charm. All that a good friendship requires is mutual respect, combined with shared interests, and what an apostle recommended: “Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

​石爱莎

每当我回想起大一第一学期那段难忘的经历，一个留着一头略长的黑发、身高六尺五的瘦削身影，总会跃然脑海。施缇赋那时已经大三了，跟我在同一个系里带，可我们是在一堂通识教育课上邂逅的。他跟我同坐第一排，而大多数人都不会选择坐在这个位置，这让我不禁钦佩他。我几乎还不能认出他来，只是在系办公室见过他几次，可他却对我点点头，打了个招呼。

距离下节课还有两小时的空隙，我前往附近的阅览室，为即将进行的《奥德赛》课堂小测做准备。意外的是，施缇赋已经待在那儿了，捧着一杯咖啡，专心致志地在看《威尼斯商人》。看来他也有两小时的课间休息。我在他对面坐下来，拿出课本。作为新生，我早就学会了不能打破和学长之间的界限，因此羞于开口跟他说话。施缇赋间或会露出一副欲言又止的样子，场面显得有些尴尬，可总体来说氛围还是友好的，于是我们就这样沉默地过了两个小时。

在接下来的几周里，每到周二，我们都会这样面对面坐着，安静地学习。枯燥沉冗的记忆和分析是每个大学生的必经阶段，施缇赋友善的风度一如既往地舒缓了这寂寞的时光。他对学业的秉持和专注，为我树立了优秀的榜样，让我得以在浩瀚迷茫的学海中对抗干扰和骚动。正如《箴言》所说：“铁磨铁，磨出刃，朋友相感，也是如此。”

​直到最后有一天，天气很热，他希望开阅览室的风扇，可出于礼貌，先征询了我的同意。我们自然交谈了起来，然后发现了一系列的共同爱好：莎士比亚、语言学、还有李老师——我们系里人人爱戴的教授。他很乐意跟我分享一些对大一课程有用的资讯，并推荐了一些有趣的课程。

在这学期余下的周二自习日上，我们会不时地加入一些轻松的话题，甚至笑话。在走廊相遇时，我们会相互问候，在下半学期里，我们相约一起上选修课。跟我聊天，施缇赋基本上学不到什么东西，可我知道，他不仅看到了我们求知的热忱，同时也很照顾我这个一无所知的菜鸟，他在我身上看到了曾经的自身，于是他不顾社会风气的阻碍而伸出了援手。
​
我读大二那年，施缇赋就毕业了，从此我们就再没有联系。不管怎样，我都对他的言传身教心怀感念：当社会规范与亲和友善冲突时，将一切交给友善来定夺。正如在我的大学里，新生和老生必须划清界限，这种社会规范促生了边缘化。只有摒弃这些不良的风气，才能履行我们的使命，去关爱与我们交往的人。此外，那些平静的周二，也让人看到，建立友好关系并不一定需要合群，也不要求外放的魅力。它所要求的仅仅是互相尊重，拥有共同的爱好，以及如一个门徒所说的：“在这一切之上，要加上爱，因为爱是融合一切德行的关键。”

Image designed by Brgfx/Freepik and Katemangostar/Freepik.

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