Realistic Boundaries Provide Support

Adapted from the writings of Maria Fontaine

As a parent your duties include setting rules and boundaries that help your children to make the right choices. They will come in contact with things that you don’t agree with; that is something you have to accept and prepare for. But that doesn’t mean you have to relax your stance on what is or isn’t acceptable, or consider it inevitable that you’ll have to lower your standard on the truly important issues.

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All good parents set boundaries and teach their children to abide by them. If parents want to raise their children with a healthy standard of morals and values, they set boundaries. Expecting your children to abide by a certain standard, and establishing consequences if they don’t, is part of parenting.

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As the dynamics of your children’s lives change, whether they make new friends, or change schools, or enter a new stage in their development, you’ll want to be prepared to review your rules and determine which ones are important and necessary for your children’s health, safety, and spiritual well-being, and which ones may not be necessary anymore. You may need to be willing to make some adjustments in the rules or guidelines that aren’t as important, while standing your ground and being realistic and consistent on the ones that are important. You want to keep your children safe, while also being realistic about their maturity and what you can expect of them.

It’s important that the boundaries are realistic, and it helps if your children understand and can see the need for the boundaries. For example, understanding that the rules are in place to keep them safe, or healthy, or to protect them in a specific way.

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Part of preparing your children to be wise and savvy adults who know how to make good decisions is allowing them to explore the decision-making process, giving them good input and support, and trusting them to make age-appropriate decisions within safe boundaries.

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When it comes to communicating with your children about issues that are important to both of you, there are ways of going about it that can make it a much better experience, such as responding calmly to their outlandish statements, flexibility in your rules and expectations when warranted, and drawing the line between what things are important for their safety and well-being and what things are just your personal preferences and not actually such a big deal.