By Keith Phillips, former editor of Activated! magazine
Growing up, the last thing I expected to become was an editor. For starters, I was a miserable student—"miserable" in both senses of the word. From almost the first day of first grade, I struggled to keep up with the class, and language was never one of my better subjects—at least not until tenth grade. The difference-maker then was my dad. He had been an Army war correspondent during WWII and then a newspaper reporter for several years. He had changed careers in order to better support his growing family, but journalism was in his bones. When he offered to type one of my handwritten tenth grade papers and saw how utterly clueless I was about writing, he clicked into gear. And when he explained what needed fixing and why, things started clicking for me. Over the next couple of years my English grades improved, which gave my sagging self-confidence a boost, which helped me pull up my grades in other subjects. It would be another 25 years before I tried to do anything more with what Dad had taught me, but when I did, much to my surprise, I discovered that his passion for pushing words around a page had been contagious. So here I am, thanks in large part to my dad, doing what I now love to do, as part of a close and talented team, for a God I love and a publication I believe in. Who could ask for more? That's my story and that's my dad. The two seem inseparable now, and I think that's the way God means for it to be. Good fathers help make us who we are. They are one of His special gifts, and fatherhood is one of His special callings.
Photo: Pat Belanger via Flickr; used under Creative Commons license.
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By Curtis Peter van Gorder
Not so long ago, the various members of our family had different schedules, and as a result, we were seldom able to eat together. I couldn’t help feeling that our family was drifting apart—especially since visiting an Italian friend who taught me what a joy “breaking bread” together can be. A meal in an Italian home is an event. It’s not about grabbing a quick bite on the run; rather, it’s a time to swap stories, to chat, to debate, to share hopes and wishes. Then, just when you think the meal is finished, another delicious dish is set in front of you. Before you know it, two hours have gone by, and maybe many more. No need for any other evening entertainment; the meal is an event in itself. We may not often have the opportunity to indulge in an Italian-style feast, but even in our busy lives, surely we can find a way to share a meal. There is a lot of research that supports the benefits of families eating together. The opportunity to talk over a meal strengthens bonds, creating warmth, security, and a sense of belonging. A home-cooked meal is likely to be more nutritious and cheaper than fast food. Younger members of the household learn manners—asking to pass food, not putting elbows on the table, and eating slowly all contribute to the pleasant experience. Language skills are reinforced as we listen and tell stories around the table. Eating together also increases the whole household’s awareness of food preparation—another great way of giving the children a good start in life. No matter the composition of your household, taking time to stop and enjoy your food is going to be good for your digestion and emotional well-being. Meals are also a great time to pray for our specific needs and show appreciation to God for what He’s done. My visit to Italy has inspired me to commit to calling our family together at mealtimes as often as possible. What we get is a lot more than just the food. We receive bonds of love, joy, and togetherness that will last.
Courtesy of Activated magazine. Used with permission. Photo: More Good Foundation via Flickr.
Families today have more power than ever to help save the Earth from human waste and pollution. Read these steps to learn about just a few of the fun and helpful things you can do to make the Earth a little bit greener for all of us.
Adapted from Wikihow. Photo courtesy of Extension Horticulture via Flickr.
By Chalsey Dooley Advertisements generally portray more than the item on sale. An ad for a plastic inflatable pool might show a happy family having a great time splashing in the water. But if you get the pool, will you get a happy family too? When considering getting such a pool for my sons, I had to explain to them how there’s a lot more going on than meets the eye. For instance, after a fun day splashing around, the water in the pool gets cold and dirty, and cleaning it out is a big job. If the pool isn’t deflated after each use, the grass underneath gets brown, withers, and may eventually smell bad. I warned them that how much enjoyment they’d get from the pool would be largely up to them and how willing they were to keep the pool clean, to wait for the right weather, and to be patient while it gets inflated and filled with water. Lego is the same thing. When my boys see ads for the small, brightly coloured blocks, they’re always instantly keen to build the space shuttle or the plane. But no matter how the pictures look, and how much fun it seems the models are having, happiness won’t really come from the Lego set—that’s something that the Lego players themselves need to supply. When their creations break—as all Lego creations eventually do—my boys need buoyancy and cheerfulness to not get too bothered and perseverance to start anew. These attributes don’t come included in the Lego set, but without them, there will be disappointment instead of smiles. Things, positions, and material items by themselves can’t bring happiness. There is no shop selling “joy.” That comes from within, from a life of sharing and kindness, and from Jesus, the source of love. Enjoy the pool if you have one, but don’t be fooled by a glittering advertisement. Life is what you make of it. With joy in your heart, the rest is a bonus. Chalsey Dooley is a writer of inspirational materials for children and caregivers and is a full-time edu-mom living in Australia. Check out her website at www.nurture-inspire-teach.com. Originally published in Activated magazine. Used with permission. Photo by Ted via Flickr.
By Chalsey Dooley Last Christmas, the magical spark never came. I wasn’t looking forward to decorating the tree, neither did I want the guilt and stress that would come from cramming and rushing to “make things meaningful.” This year has been the opposite, though. In fact, we started preparing in July! So what was different? Back then, the children and I came up with a plan to give Jesus 1,001 presents by His birthday, and we’ve been sending a few more His way every day since. The back of our kitchen door is covered with lists and charts, and now there are several hundred checkmarks and stickers indicating the gifts we’ve already given Him! There’s a chart for good deeds done to help others. There’s a chart for memorizing Bible verses. There’s a chart for making simple Bible story audios to post for other children. There’s a chart for writing letters to cheer the hearts of friends. There’s a chart for the times we have stopped to spend time with Jesus. These are just a few of the gifts we’re giving Jesus for Christmas. This year, our Christmas season started months ago and it feels great. There’s no rush, no pressure, no guilt, and no lack of focus. We’re reaching our goals and using our time to make Him and others happy. The charts are nearly filled up, and when they are, we’ll place each list in a gift-wrapped box and place it under the tree. They are gifts from the heart—each one represents time, love, and effort we know He will be happy to receive. We already know what the 1,001st gift will be—a simple birthday candle. We’ll light it for a moment each day while we pray for others around the world to come to know Jesus’ love. These prayers are also gifts we can offer the One who offered us His all. Chalsey Dooley is a writer of inspirational material for children and caretakers and is a full-time edu-mom living in Australia. Courtesy of Activated magazine. Used with permission. Photo: Molly Sabourin/Flickr.
By Iris Richard I was born in 1955, only ten years after World War II, when wartime hardships were still fresh in people's minds. Grandfather used to tell us children of the extreme hunger and exhaustion of those days, and the struggle of staying alive during the long freezing winter months. Our town was in the heart of Germany's industrial center, and everything was covered with a seemingly permanent layer of gray-brown dust from the steel mills. In springtime, the grass and green shoots quickly turned brown, and so did the fresh snow in winter, making its white coat look worn after only a day. On the first Sunday in December, our family always gathered around the table in our apartment's tiny kitchen. My mother, my sister Petra, and I lit the first candle of our Advent wreath and sang Christmas songs, as our thoughts journeyed far, far away from the dusty city to the three wise men traveling on camelback. Each week a new candle was lit, and peace and joy filled our hearts as the story of the manger which awaited the birth of our Savior came alive. Then came the long-awaited event of Christmas baking—special indeed, since butter, nuts, and eggs were sparse, and chocolate was a rare treat. With the delicious smell of freshly baked cookies still filling the air, we carefully stored each batch in large tin cans. On Christmas morning, we went to see the tree, prepared the night before by our parents. We all crept into the living room while Papa lit the candles one by one with a long match. What joy it was to find stockings filled with homemade cookies, nuts, chocolate, oranges, and apples, and new knitted dresses for our dolls. There also were crayons and coloring books, hats, gloves, and scarves. These were days of simple joys and handmade toys. The memories serve as a reminder to me to search for true value, for the human touch, for things that last—especially in the fast-moving times we live in today, filled with technological gadgets and screen-based activities. They are also a reminder to keep my eyes open to the needs of others, to love, and to share. That's what makes this season a truly unforgettable one, leaving its beautiful mark on the memories of our children and those we meet. Iris Richard is a counselor in Kenya, where she has been active in community and volunteer work since 1995. Article courtesy of Activated magazine; used with permission. Photo by Celeste Lindell via Flickr.
Web Reprint, www.kidshealth.org, excerpts Depression isn’t just bad moods and occasional melancholy. It’s not just feeling down or sad, either. These feelings are normal in kids, especially during the teen years. Even when major disappointments and setbacks make people feel sad and angry, the negative feelings usually lessen with time. But when a depressive state, or mood, lingers for a long time—weeks, months, or even longer—and limits a person’s ability to function normally, it can be diagnosed as depression. Recognizing Depression If you think your child has symptoms of depression, it’s important to take action. Talk with your child and your doctor, or others who know your child well. Many parents dismiss their concerns, thinking they’ll go away, or avoid acting because they may feel guilty or prefer to solve family problems privately. For a long time, it was commonly believed that children did not get depressed and that teenagers all went through a period of “storm and stress,” so many kids and teens went untreated for depression. Now more is known about childhood depression, and experts say it’s important to get kids help as soon as a problem is noticed. Parents often feel responsible for things going on with their kids, but parents don’t cause depression. However, it is true that parental separation, illness, death, or other separation can cause short-term problems for kids, and sometimes can trigger a problem with longer-term depression. This means that if your family is going through something stressful it’s usually helpful to turn to a counselor, therapist, or other expert for support. It’s also important to remind your child that you’re there for support. Say this over and over again—kids with depression need to hear it a lot because sometimes they feel unworthy of love and attention. Remember, kids who are depressed may see the world very negatively because their experiences are shaped by their depression. They might act like they don’t want help or might not even know what they are really experiencing. Getting help for your child Your first consultation should be with your child’s pediatrician, who probably will perform a complete examination to rule out physical illness. If depression is suspected, the doctor may refer you to a specialist who can diagnose and is qualified to treat depression. These health professionals can help, but it is important that your child feels comfortable with the person. If it’s not a good fit, find another. Your child’s teacher, guidance counselor, or school psychologist also might be able to help. These professionals have your child’s welfare at heart and all information shared with them during therapy is kept confidential. What can I do to help? Most parents think that it’s their job to ensure the happiness of their kids. When your child’s depressed, you may feel guilty because you can’t cheer him or her up. You also may think that your child is suffering because of something you did or didn’t do. This is not necessarily true. If you’re struggling with guilt, frustration, or anger, consider counseling for yourself. In the end, this can only help both you and your child. Other ways to help:
Depression can be frightening and frustrating for your child, you, and your entire family. With professional advice and your help, your child can start to feel better and go on to enjoy the teen and adult years. Courtesy of Motivated! magazine. Used with permission.
Parables of Jesus for Children – Free Stories, Videos, Coloring Pages and Activity Sheets11/16/2014 When Jesus spoke to the multitudes, He often explained deep truths by means of parables—stories about common events, circumstances, and things that His listeners could easily relate to. Times have changed, but the timeless truths contained in the parables of Jesus are just as relevant today and just as feeding to our souls as they were to those who first heard them 2,000 years ago! Bon appétit! Stories:
Videos: Short videos (for children up to 5 years in age)
Full length cartoons (about ½ hour; ideal for children ages 5 – 10)
Activities and Coloring Pages
Worksheets for older children:
Image courtesy of FN-Goa via Flickr.
Disabilities cover a wide range. Some are obvious—such as a child with a physical disability who uses a wheelchair, or a child with a visual impairment who uses a cane to navigate when walking. Other disabilities may be more “hidden”—for example, children who have learning disabilities or autism spectrum disorder. Chances are that at some point your child will have a classmate with a disability. Just as you guided your very young child when he or she began to befriend others, you can encourage your child to learn about and be a friend to children who have special needs. Basic ideas to share with your child
Try to use clear, respectful language when talking about someone with special needs. For a younger child, keep explanations simple, such as, “She uses a wheelchair because a part of her body does not work so well.” Reinforce with your child that namecalling— even if meant as a joke—is always unacceptable as it hurts people’s feelings. Getting to know children with special needs Paradoxically, when it comes to approaching someone with a disability, children may be better at it than their parents because they are less inhibited. Some adults—especially those without previous exposure to people with special needs—may be more timid. Worried about appearing intrusive or insensitive, they may not know what to say or do. “The other kids are great,” [Jasmine’s] mom says, “They are very direct, which is good. They like her and want to interact with her.” However, if your child (or you, for that matter) is unsure about approaching a child with a disability, here are some helpful tips:
Learning more about special needs Reading or learning about a disability is a great way to further understand a child’s experiences. It may also help dispel any questions you or your child may have. Your local library and librarian can be a great resource for finding age-appropriate books and materials. Deborah Elbaum, M.D. is a parent of three children and lives in Massachusetts. She is a volunteer for the disability awareness program taught at her children’s school. Article courtesy of Motivated magazine. Used with permission. Photo in public domain.
Dr. Bob Pedrick "Daddy, where does the light come from?" Billy had just switched on the lamp by his bed. Now he looked at his father with wide, questioning eyes. The question was a serious one for a seven-year-old. His father answered by describing in simple terms how the bright light of the sun pulls the water from the ocean into the sky. It then falls as rain in the mountains. He went on to describe the giant water wheels that capture the power of rushing water and change it into invisible streams of electric energy. This energy passes swiftly through miles and miles of wire until it reaches the light bulb, which, almost magically, can turn the invisible power back into light. After a few more questions, Billy's eyes lit up and his face broke out in an "I see" kind of smile. A choice moment had arrived, more awesome than the miracle of electricity. A portion of knowledge from the father's head had been transferred to Billy's brain. When we, as parents, send verbal messages that are received and assimilated by our children, it makes each of us glow a little. We could call this happy phenomenon turning on the light bulb inside our child's head. Unfortunately, the circuits for this kind of communication have a way of getting short-circuited. The father could have heard the question as another attempt by Billy to delay his bedtime. A response such as "No more silly questions. You've been up too long already" would have quickly blanked out the circuit and snipped off a promising tendril of inquiry into the unknown. More important, it would have broken another connection for real communication between child and parent. Of course, the same question in another context might well have been only manipulative on the part of the child, but the difference can be discovered by an alert adult. One key ingredient in this light bulb dialogue was that Billy wanted to hear what his father had to say. While this is characteristic of early childhood—when parents are the source of most knowledge and children absorb new ideas like a blotter soaks up water—this openness to parental input seems to lessen with each passing year. Instead of our parental wisdom lighting a bulb inside our children's heads, it seems as if their ears are plugged with wool. What we say bounces off, seemingly unheard. We wait in vain for any positive reaction. Finding a formula for popping the wool out of our children's ears gives promise of appreciably reducing the tension in many households. The practice of responding to family situations with verbal attacks upon the worth of the other person is an easy trap to fall into. It is so easy to tell other people how to avoid falling into this adversary message trap. Right now I was brought up short. While writing this, my granddaughter burst into my study. "Gramps," she shouted, "come see the dog jump three feet in the air for a bone." My first inclination was to snap, "Can't you see I'm busy? Don't bother me now." Then, before the words left my mouth, the subject of this chapter hit me. I thought, If you can't practice it, don't write it. Jeannie and I spent ten happy minutes watching our aged dog act like a puppy again in exuberant response to the loving attention of a six-year-old. My first inclination to respond by saying, "Can't you see I'm busy?" would have been an adversary message, starting with "you" and implying that if Jeannie were half-bright, she would have had better sense than to interrupt me. This was not at all the message I wanted to send. In this instance it was possible and productive for me to take a ten-minute break and play with Jeannie and the dog. This is not always the case; sometimes circumstances prevent a positive response to a child's request. In such an instance, I could have said, "Jeannie, I must finish this job right now. We will have to wait until later to put the dog through her paces." Jeannie would have been disappointed, but she probably would have received it as an affirmative message rather than an adversary message. It would not have insulted Jeannie's self-worth at all but, instead, let her know my needs. Note that this affirmative message began with "I," not with "you." The emphasis is placed upon the sender's situation and needs, not the character or intelligence of the receiver. The needs of parents are important, so affirmative messages are a useful means of popping the wool from children's ears. In contrast, I remember some years ago when a situation with a far higher emotional threshold occurred at our dinner table. Jeff, like a lot of kids, insisted upon setting his milk on the edge of the table. Repeated warnings that he should move his milk to a safe position failed to do more than cause a temporary correction. We were in a hurry; I had a speaking engagement that evening. Of course, the inevitable happened: Jeff reached for the bread, and milk spilled all over the new carpet. My roar was probably heard two blocks away. All of the tension from a long, trying day was focused upon Jeff. He left the table in tears. "You clumsy idiot!" I shouted after him. "Why don't you listen when I tell you something?" A look around the table told me no one else had much appetite for finishing the dinner. In one way I felt better, because the outburst had released the tightness I had unconsciously been building up. Still, I felt guilty.—Guilty for venting my anger by overreacting to Jeff's indiscretion. And guilty for spoiling the family dinner. No amount of self-reassurance that I had been justified in correcting Jeff's carelessness could relieve my depression. Later, before he went to bed, I put my arm around Jeff and we talked about the episode. Then we were able to give respectful attention to each other's feelings. An exchange of "I'm sorry" and a good hug made the end much better than the beginning. In the years since Jeff was small enough to disrupt the dinner table, I have become fully convinced that there are inevitably destructive results to be expected from using adversary messages. They tear at a child's dignity. Unquestionably, Jeff needed to be corrected that evening. His thoughtless and disobedient behavior was unacceptable, and I would have done him a disservice by ignoring it. A better response would have been, "I am really furious; milk on the carpet makes an ugly stain and causes us a lot of unnecessary work." Then Jeff should have been given an opportunity to help clean up the mess. Haim Ginott's remarks on this subject, while they are directed at teachers, are just as applicable to parents: "An enlightened teacher is not afraid of his anger, because he has learned to express it without doing damage. He has mastered the secret of expressing anger without insult. Even under provocation he does not call children abusive names. He does not attack their character or offend their personality." An idea internalized by a child when he receives a parental correction is not always the same idea the parent wanted to get across. Often the emotion-packed insult wrapped around a message is received and believed. The child misses the parental intent completely. We, as parents, then say that the child might as well have his ears stuffed with wool for all he hears. This is not precisely true, for the insult ("You are a stupid slob!") is heard, while the message we want delivered ("This behavior is unacceptable.") is sidetracked. Words Count When words fail between parent and child, the youngsters are set adrift in a void with no tools at their disposal to express ideas and needs. The importance of using and not abusing language was recognized by the Biblical author James. He was deeply concerned about relationships between persons, and he laid great emphasis upon being genuine. For example, his advice was to be "doers of the Word, and not hearers only" (James 1:22). On the subject of communication he said, "Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1:19). In these few words he summed up the whole idea of this chapter. James started by giving a plug for effective listening. Then he cautioned against speech before thought. His proverb was an older, more profound version of the popular quip, "Put your mind in gear before you open your mouth." It is good advice, especially for parents when tension builds and frustrations mount. Excerpted from the book "The Confident Parent" by Dr. Bob Pedrick.
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