Teaching Your Child about Peers with Special Needs

By Deborah Elbaum, M.D., adapted

Disability awareness, compassion, and making friends in the classroom According to her mother, 8-year old [Jasmine] is “really sweet and loves attention.” She goes to her
friend’s house, does horseback riding, and likes to play board games. She also has cerebral palsy, and is non-verbal and non-ambulatory. She uses enhanced communication devices to communicate, and a wheelchair for mobility. At her public school, [Jasmine] has a one-on-one aide and spends time both in and out of her third grade classroom.

Disabilities cover a wide range. Some are obvious—such as a child with a physical disability who uses a wheelchair, or a child with a visual impairment who uses a cane to navigate when walking. Other disabilities may be more “hidden”—for example, children who have learning disabilities or autism spectrum disorder. 

Chances are that at some point your child will have a classmate with a disability. Just as you guided your very young child when he or she began to befriend others, you can encourage your child to learn about and be a friend to children who have special needs. 

Basic ideas to share with your child

• No two people are the same—some differences are just more noticeable.
  
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• A disability is only one characteristic of a person. People have different likes and dislikes, and diverse strengths and challenges.
  
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• Children with special needs are like you and all children in that they want friends, respect, and to be included. 
  
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• Children can be born with special needs or become disabled from an accident or illness. You can’t “catch” a disability from someone else.
  
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• Just because someone has a physical disability (when a part or parts of the body do not work well) does not mean they necessarily have a cognitive (or thinking) disability.
  
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• Children with special needs can do many of the things you can do, but it might take them longer. They may need assistance or adaptive equipment to help them.
  

Try to use clear, respectful language when talking about someone with special needs. For a younger child, keep explanations simple, such as, “She uses a wheelchair because a part of her body does not work so well.” 

Reinforce with your child that namecalling— even if meant as a joke—is always unacceptable as it hurts people’s feelings. 

Getting to know children with special needs

Paradoxically, when it comes to approaching someone with a disability, children may be better at it than their parents because they are less inhibited. Some adults—especially those without previous exposure to people with special needs—may be more timid. Worried about appearing intrusive or insensitive, they may not know what to say or do.

“The other kids are great,” [Jasmine’s] mom says, “They are very direct, which is good. They like her and want to interact with her.” 

However, if your child (or you, for that matter) is unsure about approaching a child with a disability, here are some helpful tips: 

• Most parents of children with special needs would prefer that other adults ask them about their child directly, rather than avoid them. A smile or friendly “Hello!” is an easy icebreaker. 
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• Even if a child doesn’t talk, there are still activities the children can do together, such as play board games or arts and crafts.
  
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• If your child wants to have a play date with a child with a disability or invite him or her to a birthday party, encourage it. Call the other parent and say simply, “How can we make this work?”
  
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• Share any concerns with the other parent. Parents of children with special needs will often be happy to facilitate a successful play date or outing. 
  
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• Extra effort goes a long way. For instance, learning simple signs so that you can better communicate with a child who is deaf (and uses sign language) will be much appreciated. 
  

Learning more about special needs

Reading or learning about a disability is a great way to further understand a child’s
experiences. It may also help dispel any questions you or your child may have. Your local library and librarian can be a great resource for finding age-appropriate
books and materials.

Deborah Elbaum, M.D. is a parent of three children and lives in Massachusetts. She is a volunteer for the disability awareness program taught at her children’s school.

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Article courtesy of Motivated magazine. Used with permission. Photo in public domain.